Prisoner

I'm not sure what I want out of my actions. I do things and then realize that I'm not sure where i want them to head yet I've already started blindly walking down that path. I've realized now where I'm heading but I feel like I need to turn around and run back. All the way to the beginning. But then that would just be running away from everything I've done. I always tend to stick my foot in my mouth after I speak. Do I really want to go down this path, or am I just going this way because there is someone that'll walk with me. If he didn't go along with what I was saying and didn't help me get to this path I wouldn't have walked down it. So is it my fault or his? Did I start down this path and find out that if I tried he would come along, or did he make me start down it? I'm not sure. Its like a part of me wants this to happen.. I want to see where it'll go. I want to see into things deeper. But then I know where things are going to go, and how they will most likely end up and I don't want that. So there comes the dillema as to what I should do. Because even though a part of me is walking down this path, another part of me is heading down a different road with someone else, someone more suitable for the walk. It really comes down to me wanting to make a difference in someones life. Wanting to help them become what they want to become. I see so much potential. But will he be willing to take my help? Will he see it as help or will he think more of it? How can I know unless I try. But do I want to try and then completely dissapear from the road with that other person? I'm confused and getting lost with these different roads. I never know which one I'm suposed to be on. Who wants my company, or who needs it. My mind is one huge corn maze that I'm wondering around in, trying to find my way out. I just want out, to not have to deal with this. I don't want to think about this anymore. I just want to be happy. But the more I want to be happy and to be done the more I wander around and get lost more. And then there are those days where I just stop and try to forget about it. I sit down and just take it as it is. But then I find myself wondering what it is like when I find my way out. I want to know that feeling of being free from myself. I'm a prisoner in my own mind. And I'm the one that put myself there. I don't like being a prisoner. I don't want to be trapped inside my own mind. I want out, to be done. I wish it was that easy to just waze the white flag... call a truce. I give up! But do I want to give up? Can I give up? NO of course not. I can't just sit back and be like whatever I'm done. I've tried that too much. Of course I can't. I'm a prisoner of myself and I don't know how to get out