Ok, So I've been trying to forget about all this mess running around in my head. The thing is, it really isn't such a huge mess anymore. It actually somewhat makes sense, which kinda scares me. I don't really like the outcome yet everything is seeming to make more sense. I wish someone could just tell me what to do, that I didn't have to decide. They could just say do this, and it'll work, and you'll be happy. Thats just ultimatly what I want. I want to be happy. And it scares me that I think I need someone else in my life to make me happy. But its true. I need to feel needed. I need to feel wanted. Thats just how I feel. I need someone else to make me see that I truly can be happy. Because right now I'm anything but happy. I think today is the lowest of all these days too. Nothing is going right. My head hurts soo much, my ankle is killing me from volleyball and well my wrist kinda hurts too becuase I didn't take advil before class. And to top it all off I have a 6 hour lab tonight with people I less then like. It is going to be horrible. I want to crawl into my bed and sleep until tomorrow and hope that it is a better day. I can't stand this. I hate not being happy or at least being able to hide that I'm not happy. I just want this to be over with... I want all to be good. I want out of my own head... I want out of this body... I want out of this world... Ok not really but for right now that would be nice. I wish I could just travel to a place thats happy and nothing matter and nothing is wrong. I want to get out of all of this... I guess its not so much that I need someone... I just want to be happy. And like in certain circumstances I am happy...but it never lasts... Its just a short glimps of it. Its like just showing me that its still there. So I dont loose all hope.
So on top of all that, I feel horrible today. I don't want to do anything, I have no motivation. When I get back from lab I'll probably just take my shower and crash. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.... I think i'm going to bloomsburg to hang out with a friend so lets hope that'll be fun. ugh
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