Today

So today has been a long day, and now I can't sleep even tho I do have math at 8 tomorrow morning. I woke up early to go get breakfast with my roommates it wasn't that great. It was cold outside and I was wearing yoga pants (not such a great idea). Then I came back and feel asleep until 11ish becuase I had baking lecture at 12... that class isn't horrible... but its not the easiest to sit through... yes I LOVE to bake.. but seriously lecture sucks...Then I had volleyball... It was good. I actually played better then usual. And I stretched before so I didn't kill my ankle and my wrist seems to be better too which is a major plus... then I came back and just sat around for a while until I had to get ready and go to Lab. 6 hours of lab with some pretty... special people if you know what I mean. Its quite a drag. For 2 hours we sat there learning how to use a balance scale and go over mindless things. I can' wait until we actually start doing hardcore baking. I live to bake... I'm so glad I changed my major. But yea.. then after lab I came back.. called a friend back.. It was nice to talk to her... It actually kinda made my night. I never felt like I was really that close with my friends from home. Like yes we would hang out but like we never really did alot. I always seemed to be kinda left out. So its definitly nice to feel like we are having a better connection.

Ok well now on to other things... So i've been talking alot to this guy. Hes nice but definitly has a lot of problems. Like first off.. he is 25 which i mean i don't have a problem with, but he lives alone drinks ALOT and smokes pot becuase he is bored. I enjoy talking to him tho. I feel like he needs me in his life because he has no one and i know how it feels to have no one. it sucks. He wants so much to be a good person he just doens't have anyone there for him. He took on this lifestyle but doesn't know how to get out of it. I really do feel for him. I think we might hang out and do something and I'm actually kinda excited, yet extremly nervous. I mean I know how he is and i dont want him to force me into anything, and I also don't trust myself enough to not get caught up in the moment. So I'm really going to have to do some deep searching to make myself stay where I want to be at. The other thing is tho, that i don't think i really want to start a relationship with this guy... like being friends is great but i'm not sure i want it to go further then that. I mean I guess i'll just have to wait and see...

But the other problem is that there is this other guy, he is soo nice, and like honestly i haven't ever met a guy like him ever before. He makes me smile alot, and i enjoy being around him. But I made a promise and I really truly want to keep this promise but idk if i can. I mean its only been like 2 weeks so of course nothing is going to happen like right away. that would be way to fast. but idk i kinda want to see where things end up.. like he might just end up being the best friend i've ever had. i mean he understands things so well. i love it.. and he has a great personality. idk i'm trying to just be okay with myself and where things are right now so that hopefully one day someone will find me instead of me having to find them. I'm sick of trying to search for people. It doens't work out real well.

i'm also debating as to whether i should invite more people to this blog or not... like it would be a great way to keep in touch but idk if they have an account or would even be interested and then they would problably be like "what the hell brittany! whats this thing you sent me?" so then they would make me feel stupid. so i'm really debating on that. idk i'll have to think about it.

oh to end this on a good note.... i e-mailed one of the chefs today to ask about possibly setting up an interveiw to go to the kentucky derby. I really was trying to figure out if i really did want to go or not but i think i do.. i'm not sure tho. so i'll at least try to interveiw and if i don't get offered a spot then i'll try again next year. I mean its still a great way to practice interveiwing and well its a great experience that i would be passing up... i'm pretty excited that i decided to go along and do it... i was really nervous... i still am nervous.